Goosie Theox

Once upon a time there was an ox named goosie and a goose named goosie. They both lived in a stable on a farm. For many years there was much confusion in that barn because every time someone said goosie both the ox and the goose would respond. At first it was kinda funny and they started saying jinx when they responded at exactly the same time but after a while it just got annoying.

Early in 1997 the ox decided that he had had enough of the constant confusion and told the goose that something had to be done. The goose agreed. They first tried calling each other by different names but each one they chose seemed to have already been taken. They tried using moosie, duckie, chickenie, horsie, wagonie, bacteriaie, goatie, sheepie even the mouse in the houseie but they were already being used by other animals about the farm. They tried calling the ox ‘ox’ and the goose ‘goose’ but they both found that to be too impersonal. They even tried using different languages to say their names but it was difficult to form certain vowel sounds and the accents and varying intonation became more of a bother than a solution.

In mid July the goose decided to consult a large wise-yeast living in a neighbouring village. On hearing the problem the yeast turned his head for about ten and five-sixteenths seconds and turned back with a solution. He suggested that the goose be called goosie and the ox be called goosie-C as his last name was Cleveland.

The goose returned home and shared the yeast’s wisdom with the ox. On hearing it the ox thought, “What a large-yeast those names sound exactly alike” and told the goose that that silly proposition would never work. The goose was able though to coax the ox into trying it for just one week.

By the end of the week their problem was solved. With some effort the names became easily distinguishable. They both learned lessons of patience and attentiveness that assisted them greatly in the following school term.

After crossing that hurdle they began calling the ox ‘Theox’ pronounced ‘théo’ and the goose ‘Richard Young Gernagen’ because apparently he thought it sounded distinguished. This worked out fine actually and they lived happily ever till they both died of natural causes just after the ’98 World Cup.

“never call a ox a moose and sometimes truss a yeas”

Daisy

The other day when I went to try on a pair of shades in a shop on the first floor of Long Circular mall (the one by the bank, with all the glass) I was diagnosed with Up-Ear Dong_Ear. At first when I was told that I was ill I didn't believe it cause I wasn't going to admit to being sick because of some smart store attendant's diagnosis. In short time though the symptoms were clear.

I looked at a picture on the wall which, to the naked eye, appeared to be just a set of scattered lines. I put on a pair of swanky looking darkers and the feathery lines became a perfectly distinct image. The lenses had some special UV feature that reduced the glare (or something like that). THEN, I turned to the mirror and the shades were twisted. I tried on three other pairs and they all seemed twisted as well. I asked the clerk 'Daisy' if she found that the shades looked a bit crooked and then she confirmed that I was indeed suffering from a case of Up-Ear Dong_Ear. At first I was shocked. I couldn't believe that I was walking the streets with my cool swagger and my Up-Ear Dong_Ear hanging off my face for the world to see. Daisy, possibly noticing the horror on my face or the lop-sidedness of my ear, took the shades off my face and twisted them and let me try them again. I looked in the mirror and they appeared completely straight. I was happy for the shades but was still ailing and struggling to come to terms with my newly found disease. I turned to Daisy to express my thanks for her assistance but just as I was about to speak my eyes caught her precious smile. It was the most calming, most beautifully reassuring smile I've ever seen. Her teeth were bucked and half of them crooked and they reflected an unusual yellow light that helped me to see that my Up-Ear Dong_Ear was a distinguishing imperfection and that we all carry them.

That day I walked out that store a changed man no longer ashamed of my UEDE but proudly carrying it as mark of my individuality and feeling as human as I ever did. Thank You Daisy! You are a stunning beauty if ever I’ve seen one.