Fleeting Enlightenment

You ever had one of those "Eewww is that mee? How repulsive!!" moments when you feel like vomiting all over the place cuz u see somebody acting like yourself and it's just, gag, appauling. Every time I hear the 'f' word I feel like i need to scrub my soul cuz it makes me profoundly aware of how utterly nasty I sound to everyone else. Today I was with one of my close friends and he was spewing them all over the place; on other people, on himself in my car. Every time I bore witness I hurled in disgust. Sickened by how totally awful it sounded and at the wonderful job he did at ensuring that every inch of the fk bled of pure obscenity, but mostly just by knowing that in any way that reflected my behaviour.

Randomly at the office last week I was biting my nails when suddenly I noticed myself. It was strange because it didn't take me seeing someone else doing it to notice myself. For the first time, after hearing the 'that's so nasty' tune for years, I was genuinely capable of appreciating its message; so juvenile, so nasty. I swear to you I was sick to my stomach.I immediately committed to disposing of all of my filthy habits. While contemplating the solidarity of my decision I managed to nervously chew all the nails off my other hand..."oh f***"